Monday, March 30, 2009

Mom's Time Away...

Every once in a while it happens. I run out of patience and I realize that I need to get away. Away from the chaos of our home: kids, dogs, daycare, electric guitar, piano, barking, crying, screaming, growling, drooling, scrubbing, cleaning, ringing, clanging, etc. - and the list goes on.

Running out of patience is tough. No matter how much I rationalize that I have the right to run out of patience, I still feel like a bad mom or that I should be able to magically just whip some up out of nowhere. The truth is, even with all the best vitamins and enough sleep, there are just days when I run out of patience. I have had a couple of those days this year and to cope, I leave after begging Hubs to let me escape. But - this particular night, he took one look at me and just understood. I needed to leave. I did: I just get in my mini-van, with my ponytail and Crocs and left.

It's hard to explain how autism can affect a parent, especially an emotional person like myself. My tendency would be to indulge in some yummy treat such as cheesecake, pecan pie or a filled pastry... and an expensive coffee drink... mmm... I can almost smell it now. But - I have been focusing on eating healthy and developing healthy ways to cope. And, I must remain conscious of my financial budget. Biomedical treatments are far from free. I love my child and I am working so hard to recover him, but - sometimes this mom needs a break.

I left the house, was driving to the city and I decided to call our oldest son. He was also in the city with his girlfriend and guess what they did? They invited me to join them for dinner (where she works), to which I gladly accepted their invitation.

I love and miss the other man in my life, and his girlfriend is a doll. It was good to see them, eat a healthy meal (not to mention I didn't have to cook or clean!) and just hang out with them.

We met at a "pick out your own stir-fry" kind of place. It was fun.

Katiebug and I decided on pasta with our fresh meats (shrimp, pork, rib-eye steak & scallops) and veggies. I eat so much rice and I do like rice, but it was really good to eat pasta.

We also picked out our own sauces and spices. The chefs cooked our food just the way we ordered it and look at it! Mmm. Doesn't it look good? My plate is the one further away.

The kids ordered some kind of raspberry lemonade to share. Isn't it fun looking? Pretty much everything had an esthetically pleasing appearance. "Fun" - being the most descriptively accurate word.

Then, my boy did it. He had to order dessert. Katiebug and I just sat there, and watched him consume this Brownie concoction to his delight.

She begged for a little taste and he gave in. He did finally give her a small bite.

Needless to say, my child was F U L L . He ate a mountain of food and it was fun just watching him consume all that food. Although she was an employee, we were treated and served well. Very well indeed, considering the manager did give all three of us a very nice discount. It was a blessing and all in all, a great couple of hours.

As I recall, it was really cold out that night and I couldn't imagine eating all that cold ice cream. I went home full but happy. I don't think I was gone more than 2 or 2 1/2 hours, but - it was all the time I needed to re-establish my patience.

It is now almost 2 months later and I sure could use another night out. Well, maybe not a "night", but - a couple of hours would be great. It would be even better if Hubs and I could get out alone, together, but - that's pushing it. I don't know anyone who could handle Nicolas or who would even offer. Until then, I will remain thankful for my time away and I know if given the opportunity to do it again, I would. After all, I never know what the days will bring. That's the only consistent thing during this recovery. There is no consistency.

He could be like this: Super silly and goofy...

Or he could be like this: Obsessed with bugs and nature.

And - often, he is like this...

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