I Can't Go Back to What Used to Be

Here's a few memories of what life was like before Nick's change. Common occurrences in a little boy's life: catching a fish, going to the zoo, spending time at grandma and grandpa's house.



I can't go back and change the past. So often, I wish I could though. For whatever reason(s), God has allowed and given us a child with special needs. When I look back at Nicolas, and I see him -- as he was, when I know he wasn't how he is now... well, it's sad. Really sad at times and at other times, it's ok. We are working toward a goal! Nick's recovery!


It's often sad to me, because I took the pictures and I remember what was going on when I took them. Nothing. Nothing unusual or bizarre. Nothing out-of-the ordinary or strange. No growling, crying, loud antics, fighting, yelling, drooling or screaming. Just a happy little boy with a little sister.


A little boy, growing up in a safe, happy world without being tormented in his head or in his body. A little boy who could go to his grandparent's home and be welcomed and played with. All things that I would have simply considered "normal". It's all in the past now. I live in a different world now.

I am so thankful for our church. We have the best pastors in the whole wide world. They each have their own gifts, personalities (of course) ... and catch phrases too. I've heard one pastor say that we can't wish life to go back to usual and that in the kingdom of God, as well as in finance - it's no longer "business as usual". Ooooh, I love that thought! It's so true in my life.

Once I really understood, to the best of my human ability - just what Christ's death and resurrection meant, sin no longer had the same meaning. Sin lost it's pull and yes - its glamor to me. I was still tempted - of course... about a million times a day! But - with the understanding that there is an enemy of my soul and Someone who died to save my soul... life itself had a different perspective. Still does. Oh my - yes, I still sin... but - it's hard to whine and complain about temptation and imperfections (a.k.a. excuses for laziness) when Someone died to allow me the right to spend eternity in glory, ya know?

When I realized how precious and short life is, I changed my attitude about trying to make everyone else happy. The One whom I need to be concerned about pleasing is our good God in heaven; not silly (annoying) humans. I tend to let things bother me and have had to learn to "thicken my skin", although it's oftentimes still not easy.

And since I've covered my spiritual awareness and my perception of life, I might as well touch on money too. Money. There have been times when I thought I was broke and I wasn't; there have been times when I thought I was secure financially, and I wasn't. It was my perception, at those specific times. Yet - I still judged other people, unconsciously; whereas now - I try not to. I am in a totally different season in my life right now. I would like to think that I won't go back to any former attitudes, whether right or wrong. I just want to go forward! It doesn't matter if you drive a new car every 3 years or drive the same old beater for 15 years. Or if you buy a Coach purse or go to Walmart or a garage sale for that matter, to buy personal items. What the heck does it matter? It doesn't matter at all, in the big scheme of things. Nope, not one bit.

Most of our friends home educate their children, because they believe it is what they are supposed to do or they feel led or called to do so. But, not all of our friends. I can't imagine sending my children away when we love home educating. Focussing on and addressing strengths and weaknesses in a positive, safe and encouraging environment can't be beat.

And, most of our friends do not immunize or vaccinate their children. But, some do. Does it bother me? Yes, it does. Can I do anything about it. No, not really - but , I can pray for their children's safety and that they will be wise in their parenting and healthcare decisions for their own families. It's a tricky place to be and yes, my heart does ache at times... very much so. Especially since Nicolas was non-symptomatic until age 4 1/2. Honestly, I think things built up in his poor little compromised system. This is what I think today. A year ago, I only had suspicions and I was a wreck. Oh my goodness, Nick was so... well, he was how he was... let's just end that thought there.

Until Nicolas is recovered, I believe that I will keep investigating areas of concern regarding his sensitivities. What did I just attempt to say?

Nick's system is imbalanced . While in this state, and even after his recovery, I want to give his body the best opportunity and chance to heal. One way (out of many, many) that I am doing this is by removing allergens and environmental toxins.

Here's some of what we've done so far:

• Changed Nick's diet to be gluten free, casein free, yeast free and sugar free. (Huge noticeable results in just 3 days...)
• Started using as much organic and pesticide-free foods and whole foods, as we can.
• Added specific hypoallergenic supplements to his diet, such as essential fatty acids, follinic acid, metal-free multi-vitamins, extra magnesium, etc.
• Switched over to a dairy free probiotic.
• Changed our cookware to include using cast iron and glassware instead of evil Teflon.
• Eliminated all alcohol-based (vanilla), artificial colorings, preservatives and flavorings.
• Began using fresh herbs and spices to cook and bake with; instead of only using dry
  
• Use aluminum-free baking powder.
• Complete avoidance of known exitotoxins such as Aspartame (Nutrasweet & Equal), Monosodium Glutamate (MSG) and carrageenan, which many people are allergic to.
• Store food in glassware and use plastic products much, much less.
• Use sea salt instead of iodized salt and use gluten free spices.
• Removed all high fructose corn syrup from diet.
• Monitor all cartoons, video games, etc. - for over-stimulation in his brain...
• Avoid nitrites and nitrates as well as BHA, BHT and yes... even soy.
• Steer clear of triclosan and other carcinogenic chemicals.
• Use shampoos and soaps that are free of metals, toxins and sodium laurel sulfate.
• Never use anything "smoked" as it has hidden forms of MSG.
  
• We have decided to speak positive to and around him, regarding his diet and we focus on what he can have, not what he can't have.
  
• Use Amway sensitive laundry soap.
• Discontinued all fluoride use.
• Stopped using OTC cold medicines and starting using natural and herbal remedies.
• Use high quality essential oils for treatments and preventions - health related.
• Decided to laugh, joke and have fun when things get way out of control. Usually just going outside and playing catch will have a positive effect on the kids' attitudes.
• Add ph balanced, oxygenated, microclustered Perfect Water to his diet, daily
• Lastly, I have started juicing. Juicing fresh fruits and vegetables for him.

Want to know what else has changed? The amount of dishes that I do in a day's time! Wow.

My social life... well - it's rather... non-existent. It's not anyone's fault. I am thankful that we are blessed to be close to my folks; the kids love seeing them. In the country, we can be loud, run, play and pretty much do what we want, when we want to do it. This is a precious, precious freedom and not a day goes by that I am not thankful for what we have and for our home.

It's Memorial Day weekend and we'll be home -

putting in our garden. I may not be able to walk or move next week, but- we'll get that garden in. This year, we need it more than ever! Fresh fruits and veggies fit right in with my plan to help Nick's body continue to heal. After all, that's what we all want. Health.