"Any scientist can tell you the number of seeds in an apple, but only God knows how many apples are in a seed." - Anonymous
Last week, I spent much time thinking about how hard I work at trying to get Nicolas to "fit in". I know I get frustrated with him - and he knows it. Why? Why do I do this to him and to me?
This really had me pretty whacked-out last week. I think it's because of (something)? Is it my pride? I am not ashamed of him and I am so used to people thinking I am a rotten/ignorant parent, it is almost numbing, at times. What the heck is it then? Is it the criticism I get from close friends? Or relatives? I understand that we only know what we know. I don't expect people to know what an opiod affect is on the brain and what leaky gut syndrome is. A year ago, I didn't know.
So what is it then?!? It's seeing pain. It is the pain that I have read about and heard about from other parents who have children who are either unique in the way they learn or "in the spectrum". I understand the pain that they feel for their children. Not so much in the facts that they do not love their child or "celebrate" their "uniqueness". That's not it at all.
I think it's because our kids, like Nicolas, are special - because they are alive. Period. God has given them to us and given them life. They really aren't all that miserable or unhappy. It's us - who live around them, who make it so stinkin' rough. My job, as a parent, is to help him live - thrive, rather - in his world and in my world. All children want and need friends. I need them too.
I keep thinking that I have to try to get Nicolas to know how to act and talk and what to say, to do and so on and so forth, so that he can fit in. He doesn't read people very well at all. It's painful for us parents because we just want our kids to be happy and have friends. Most of the time, it is us - the parents, who befriend our kids. That's not so wrong, ya know. There is nothing wrong with playing frisbee, board games or even video games with our kids.
I have been a bit tough on Nick lately and I need to knock it off. I just made new charts and calendars for him - so he can see and then feel a sense of accomplishment. He needs to feel good about himself. He doesn't need to hear that he is the messiest boy in the world! When I look back at history and consider those who have made considerable or incredible history, I almost always find that they were not 'in the norm", for their time. Musial composers, inventors, doctors, etc. - they all struggled in their childhoods, and likely - in the adult lives too. And, I just bet their mothers' worked hard at helping those children - who later contributed in ways that changed the world - by loving, encouraging and believing in their children. Don't you?
I read an amazing quote this week, from a neurosurgeon. It made my stomach hurt, my eyes burn and my heart ache.
"When I was in my early years (first through fifth grade) learning disabilities were an unknown entity. Those of us that had these problems were simply viewed as unintelligent, and from my perspective the greatest sadness was that we viewed ourselves the same way."Here is the website where I found Dr. Epstein's quote.
-- Dr. Epstein
I haven't been to any support groups in a long time. Maybe I need some encouragement too. The mom controls the tone in the home! Oh yeah - it's a powerful position I hold!
Then I ran across this...
"Life does not have to be perfect to be wonderful." -- Annette Funicello
I like it. I like it a whole lot.