A friend sent me the below article, which originated over at Age of Autism. Somehow, I missed it.
Each time I read something like this, my heart falls to the ground and I get that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. I am angry and sad and thankful, all at the same time! Certainly there must be a technical name for the feelings that describe my condition: frustrated mom of a special child?
What does God see, when He looks at me? What would He like to see? More what? Patience?
What does He see when He looks at my little boy? Potential? A heart that loves His word? Yes, I believe He does.
I, on the other hand, see an often hyper child, emotional, frustrated and so smart and so bored and so lonely. And sometimes - funny and sweet, of course.
I do not pretend to fully understand free will and/or predestination. It is God's will that we all spend eternity with Him; yet - we know this will not happen. The only thing I know to be true is the Word of God and it’s what I cling to. I know that bad things happen to innocent people, all the time, all over the world. I also know that the enemy of our souls is no respecter of persons. Age matters not. He is a thief and comes to steal, kill and destroy. Oftentimes, my joy has been stolen and my relationships are weak. In my weakness He is strong, man – it’s touch at times. My boy and I can be playing board games or Scrabble one minute and then - he can rip my heart out when he lays on the floor writhing and crying. Know what it makes me want to do?
Yep – you guessed it! I want to lay on the floor and cry too. But, I don’t. Good grief – then Olivia would think she should do it too! BLAH – can you just see all three of us laying on the floor, just freaking out? Where I go, the dogs go. Add two dogs to the three of us. Hey – it would be a big pity party with lots of licking.
Ok, I am being silly. Kinda…
Been a wild week. Work is good. Hubs is good. Kids – they keep me on my toes! I should be skinny then – right!?! ((Smile)) Oh, if it were only true!
Oh, by the way, it's been over a month without coffee. Only 4 days have been without feeling totally crappy. I have felt awful for nearly 5 weeks. Boo-hoo. I don't feel so sorry for myself when I think about how Nick feels.
Today was day #5out of 33 (or 34), without feeling some sort of odd ill feeling or headache. Thank God! Let's hope tomorrow is the same. Any day without a headache is a great day, no matter what those kids do to me!
Time will tell, as always.