Lost In A Funk

Have you ever been in a funk? Do you know what I mean? It's a saying/an expression, not a store or a dance move - you know, a funk? Stuck in an attitude/mood. In a snit or depression - but not too severe.


Anyway, I've been in a funk many times before and I always come out of it. Thank goodness. Sometimes it has to do with what God is doing in my life and other times it has to do with external circumstances pressing in on me: basically having a lot of crap going on in my life. Usually has to do with Hubs too. As passionately in love with that man that I am - he can also raise my Swiss/German/Irish temper in less than a second! I excuse quite a bit, now that I somewhat understand his ADD and ADHD, but - the man can still drive me crazy.

When I think about being in a funk (and I am not in one at present) I think about how frustrated and often hopeless I feel about the place that I am, at that time. I am unable to pinpoint just exactly how I got there... I don't like being in a funk, I usually want out; but, I don't know how to get out. The simple things I try don't work or do the trick and I so desperately just want someone to rescue me from my own little private hell. When I am in a funk, I feel like I do not have control and that I am helpless. Often there are circumstances beyond my control and I feel like a victim, instead of a mighty prayer warrior. Not true, but - nonetheless, it still FEELS that way.

As an adult, I know full well that I do not live by my emotions. They cannot be counted on and are not trustworthy. I cannot live by what I see. What I see is not what I get or what is happening. I am trying to lose weight and have done well this year, however - I am again stuck at a plateau and I KNOW I just need to keep being faithful and consistent in my diet, exercise and eating habits. Same thing goes for prayer: there are many situations, circumstances and people that I have been praying for, for years actually, and I don't see anything happening, from where I stand or from what I can see. However, I know things are happening in the spiritual realms and behind the scenes. It's faith.

Three separate times this year, I have had people tell me that they wouldn't do what I do for Nicolas, for their own kids, if this were to happen to them. I never really considered that what they were saying was true. I guess I kind of thought they were just feeling uninformed or overwhelmed by what they didn't know or that they simply were not at a place in their knowledge about health, diet, nutrition, allergies and behavior. I thought I knew quite a bit and now -- looking back over the last 10 months, I realize that I knew very little other than common (and often inaccurate) knowledge.

I've seen kids whom I thought were "special", and then found out that they were not. I cannot explain the extreme changes and differences in their behavior. Were they in a funk when I saw them? How did they get out? With kids, it's hard to know if they are only acting for the entertainment of their peers or acting up for one of their parents. But, I have also met families who most definitely have a child with "needs" and the family doesn't see it. Or the family ignores it, threatens the poor kid or disciplines them harshly (from my perspective) and... I can see the signs. Red flags, really. Without passing judgment, I wonder and pray for those kids... that they would get out of their funk. Or... are they lost in a funk - forever?

I have seen people lose their kids to autism. I have also seen people lose their kids forever -- give up on them, to drugs; even medicate and sedate their "borderline" children too. And, I have seen people lose their kids to drugs, alcohol, gambling and other addictions. I think about what it would be like to be a child and not understand what I do, as an adult. I often wonder what Nicolas will remember about this time in his life, after he is healed, recovered and older. He tells me that he can remember a time when his mind didn't go "goo-goo", as he puts it, which refers to a time when he could concentrate clearly.

He's only a little boy right now, but - he would love to be able to eat whatever he would like to, without thinking that it could harm his body and mind or affect his sleep, feelings, digestion and bathroom habits. I guess that's where I come in, as his mom. I stand in the gap for him, by making good health care and diet decisions for him and by praying for him. I love him no matter how he acts or feels or how much I understand about his condition and illness. He is not as well as he has been nor is he as well as he is going to be.

I don't really have time to be in a funk these days. My kids need me. I need to join Nicolas in his world and most times, I try to get him to come to ours. Doesn't really happen - he can't do it; but - he has glimpses in to ours and for that I am thankful, very thankful.

"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." ~Hebrews 11:1

I Have Been Waiting for This, Sadly

I was waiting and wondering when this would surface...

"A warning that the new swine flu jab is linked to a deadly nerve disease has been sent by the Government to senior neurologists in a confidential letter.

The letter from the Health Protection Agency, the official body that oversees public health, has been leaked to The Mail on Sunday, leading to demands to know why the information has not been given to the public before the vaccination of millions of people, including children, begins.

It tells the neurologists that they must be alert for an increase in a brain disorder called Guillain-Barre Syndrome (GBS), which could be triggered by the vaccine.

GBS attacks the lining of the nerves, causing paralysis and inability to breathe, and can be fatal.

The letter, sent to about 600 neurologists on July 29, is the first sign that there is concern at the highest levels that the vaccine itself could cause serious complications.

It refers to the use of a similar swine flu vaccine in the United States in 1976 when:

• More people died from the vaccination than from swine flu.
• 500 cases of GBS were detected.
• The vaccine may have increased the risk of contracting GBS by eight times.
• The vaccine was withdrawn after just ten weeks when the link with GBS became clear.
• The US Government was forced to pay out millions of dollars to those affected.

Concerns have already been raised that the new vaccine has not been sufficiently tested and that the effects, especially on children, are unknown."

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1206807/Swine-flu-jab-link-killer-nerve-disease-Leaked-letter-reveals-concern-neurologists-25-deaths-America.html#ixzz0OSz2HxPO

Early Church

A couple of weeks ago, we got up early and went to early church. We went to bed in the morning, and got up a few hours later, which is usual. We took Nicolas with us - into the sanctuary, as there isn't anywhere else for him to go at the first service. During the second service, he usually attends children's church - which is awesome, fun, loud and full of Scripture, fun and more noise... and, I think Nicolas is bored (or something) there. I don't know what it is; and I do know that half of the battle is just getting him there... and he likes CC, once he is there. But... But, he knows the Bible. He knows most of the Bible stories. And, so - we did a little experiment and allowed him to be with us, in the sanctuary.

I was prepared to miss most of the sermon and as it turned out, I didn't miss a single word. I brought along a mini Etch-a-sketch and a mini/travel sized Magna-doodle. He has to be doing something with his hands at all times and those seemed to satisfy his need. I knew that he was listening, even if he never looked up. And - he was.

On the way home from church, Nicolas was able to tell us about the sermon, the Bible verses used and the stories told. He comprehended it all!

I know that many people keep their kids with them during church services, and that's ok. However, with a child like Nicolas, unpredictable and loud, I wouldn't have imagined it. It was early and he was pretty mellow/tired, and he had a full tummy. We had that in our favor - plus, we filled him up with lots of protein for breakfast, before we left.

I don't know if Nicolas will go back to kids' church or not. I do know that we made it through a Sunday without much incident and I got a lot accomplished at home that day. This is a busy time -- getting ready to start school, maintaining the garden/weeds and just cleaning up all the things that have accumulated over the summer.

We sang the song, "Let It Rain/Heartbeat of Heaven" and I heard Nicolas singing it later in the day. It was the first time he had heard it and didn't I just post this song, recently? It sounded much different with an amazingly talented young woman singing it in the sanctuary.

This week, Nicolas is going back on his strict rgimen of supplements. I have printed out charts so we can remember ALL of his supplements. I have been a little bit relaxed about giving him his suplements and it shows. It shows in his behavior and more than that: in his skin color and the large, dark ciricles under his eyes. Clear indication of malnutrition or food allergy - in our case. Or something...


As with most things, time will tell.

Sunday Scriptures

When I first became a follower of Christ, I read and memorized scripture in King James. Nowadays, I usually read and meditate in the NIV - 'cept not this verse. This one comes to my mind in KJV, without fail.

Lamentations 3:22-23 (King James Version)

²²It is of the LORD's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not.

²³They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.

Today, it simply reminds me that my mercy and compassion can be new each day. I don't have to wake up grumpy or flustered by whatever happened with the kids (or Hubs) from the day before. God's faithfulness is unfathomable - especially for this mere mortal mom. And - He is faithful. Faithful to His character and His words. He is the real deal, and trustworthy.

Last night, Nicolas was rambling on and on - and it's hard to understand him when he speaks monotone or forgets to breathe. Honestly, I often tune him out, because he's usually just reciting some article he read in a book or found on the web about hermit crabs or something of the sort. I get the same stories, over and over. And then, over and over again. The boy is so excited or enthused about his new-found info that he has to keep repeating it. Usually. In this case, he was explaining that the last time his hermit crab went missing, it reappeared the next day, in its cage. This time, the crab hadn't reappeared. He informed me that he noticed his crab on Monday, and then it was just "gone". Poof - into thin air.

I could not convince him that pets do not just disappear and then reappear. He apparently believes that he has experienced otherwise. The fact is this: the crab is missing. No matter what happened "last time", the crab is probably gone for good, at this point, since it['s been 6 days. Goner. I should have paid better attention or noticed sooner. I didn't. I got tired of listening to him babble... not all special needs kids are quiet! Ours never stops talking!!

Whew, I am so glad that God doesn't get tired of me! I do the same thing, in a way... and God could get tired of me and all of my complaints, ranting and raving... on and on. Praying and praying... and struggling... and then committing the same dumb sin again, over and over. But - He doesn't. His compassions are new! towards me... How cool is that? Very cool, indeed. Losing a hermit crab? Not so cool; but - we can't be the first family to ever lose a hermit crab... and it does surprise me. Nick is so methodical about caring for all his pets. I am honestly very surprised; again, he loves (loved) his crabs. Time will tell...if we find the shell someplace, sometime.

Back to Carrot Juicing

After a 6 week break from juicing, I am back at it. Nick has circles under his eyes that make him appear to be related to raccoons! I have been wracking my brain trying to find the common denominator, and it can only be a couple of things.

First of all, it could be that I quit juicing for him. Why did I stop juicing? Because, I thought, it is summertime and he gets an abundance of fresh fruits and vegetables in his diet; why bother juicing during the summer months... poor judgment on my part.

The only other thing that has changed is that I am allowing him to eat all the fruits he would like; meaning, unlimited fruits AND that he is allowed to eat grapes and berries. While we were anti-yeast, he did not eat any skins at all. I still peel his peaches, apples and pears, however. His gluten-free bread does not have yeast. His salad dressing is also yeast-free.

Hmmm... something else I have noticed is that he can get a little weird from seedless watermelon. I have purposely watched for reactions from him, and out of 7 times, he has gotten weird 5 out of the 7. ((sigh))

Here's why I started juicing in the first place, other than I believe that God told me to - I read about it on Dr. Mercola's website and it made sense:

1. Juicing helps the body to be able to absorb all the nutrients from the vegetables. This is important because most of us have impaired digestion as a result of making less-than-optimal food choices over many years and with the strong possibility of Nick's leaky-gut syndrome, I am not convinced that his body has the ability to absorb all the nutrients from the vegetables. Juicing with our Champion juicer (a masticating juicer) help to "pre-digest" the food/vegetables and fruits, so Nick will receive most of the nutrition, rather than having it go down the toilet.

2. Juicing allows you to consume an optimal amount of vegetables in an efficient manner. If you are a carb type, you should eat one pound of raw vegetables per 50 pounds of body weight per day. Some people may find eating that many vegetables difficult, but it can be easily accomplished with a quick glass of vegetable juice.

3. You can add a wider variety of vegetables in your diet. Many people eat the same vegetable salads every day. This violates the principle of regular food rotation and increases your chance of developing an allergy to a certain food. But with juicing, you can juice a huge variety of vegetables that you may not normally enjoy eating whole, or even juiced. I can sneak veggies in and add a carrot and the flavors are disguised.
   

Carrots are also very high in an anti-oxidant called beta-carotene, which helps with those free-radicals and also greatly improves the immune system. Vitamin A, minerals, all kinds of good stuff! Good, good and good.

I am eager to find out if Nick's eye circles dissipate too. Time will tell.

Not Just Another Story

I keep thinking about an article I read over at Age of Autism. And thinking and thinking...

Busy week this week; my head is spinning with back-to-school thoughts, upcoming family camp and just the usual created chaos around here. And - I keep thinking about that article! Which means a couple of things: I need to pray for that family and I am going to post it.

It's not just another story. It's a true story, involving real people. And, it makes me sad and angry in great measure. Big time.

Here's the article:

August 03, 2009

My Name Is Tanner

Read the full article about our friend and Father Warrior "Tanner's Dad" Tim Welsh and his family HERE. I tear up every time I read about Tanner's final words before he slipped into autism. "My name is Tanner."

CATLIN – When their only son, Tanner, got the last of his pre-kindergarten vaccines at age 4 1/2, Tim and Cheri Welsh held their breath.

The Catlin couple had delayed those immunizations a bit, worried about the rare, potential reactions they'd heard some children have. But they also knew vaccines protect kids from nasty diseases like measles and mumps, so they eventually decided to proceed.

Two days after he got two shots containing five vaccines, Tanner went running up to his dad and spoke his last sentence: "My name is Tanner, my name is Tanner."

Click HERE for the comments to the above article. Sometimes the comments are as important as the articles themselves...

I Seem to Have Misplaced Someone

In the past week, I have lost my daughter 3 times. Twice at church and once in our yard... sounds awful - doesn't it? People must think I am an idiot!

Sometimes she runs ahead or I get distracted... either way, it makes me feel terrible and I frantically run about trying to locate her. Maybe that's why I laughed when I got this joke the other day. I don't usually forward jokes, let alone post them on this blog; but - it's been a tough summer, with the kids. Or at least it feels like it tonight.

I am not sure that I agree to the statement that men are happier people. Certainly they do not struggle with the same things as women do... and that's what made this so funny to me. Laugh at what you find amusing and disregard the rest!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Subject: WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED

Men Are Just Happier People-- What do you expect from such simple creatures:

1) Your last name stays put.

2) The garage is all yours.

3) Wedding plans take care of themselves.

4) Chocolate is just another snack.

5) You can be President.

6) You can never be pregnant.

7) You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.

8) You can wear NO shirt to a water park.

9) Car mechanics tell you the truth.

10) The world is your urinal.

11) You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.

12) You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

13) Same work, more pay.

14) Wrinkles add character.

15) Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.

16) People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

17) New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

18) One mood all the time.

19) Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

20) You know stuff about tanks.

21) A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

22) You can open all your own jars.

23) You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

24) If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

25) Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.

26) Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

27) You almost never have strap problems in public.

28) You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

29) Everything on your face stays its original color.

30) The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

31) You only have to shave your face and neck.

32) You can play with toys all your life.

33) One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.

34) You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.

35) You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.

36) You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.

37) You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier.

Send this to the women who can handle it and to the men who will enjoy reading it

Perceptions - Mine

"Any scientist can tell you the number of seeds in an apple, but only God knows how many apples are in a seed." - Anonymous

Last week, I spent much time thinking about how hard I work at trying to get Nicolas to "fit in". I know I get frustrated with him - and he knows it. Why? Why do I do this to him and to me?

This really had me pretty whacked-out last week. I think it's because of (something)? Is it my pride? I am not ashamed of him and I am so used to people thinking I am a rotten/ignorant parent, it is almost numbing, at times. What the heck is it then? Is it the criticism I get from close friends? Or relatives? I understand that we only know what we know. I don't expect people to know what an opiod affect is on the brain and what leaky gut syndrome is. A year ago, I didn't know.

So what is it then?!? It's seeing pain. It is the pain that I have read about and heard about from other parents who have children who are either unique in the way they learn or "in the spectrum". I understand the pain that they feel for their children. Not so much in the facts that they do not love their child or "celebrate" their "uniqueness". That's not it at all.


I think it's because our kids, like Nicolas, are special - because they are alive. Period. God has given them to us and given them life. They really aren't all that miserable or unhappy. It's us - who live around them, who make it so stinkin' rough. My job, as a parent, is to help him live - thrive, rather - in his world and in my world. All children want and need friends. I need them too.

I keep thinking that I have to try to get Nicolas to know how to act and talk and what to say, to do and so on and so forth, so that he can fit in. He doesn't read people very well at all. It's painful for us parents because we just want our kids to be happy and have friends. Most of the time, it is us - the parents, who befriend our kids. That's not so wrong, ya know. There is nothing wrong with playing frisbee, board games or even video games with our kids.

I have been a bit tough on Nick lately and I need to knock it off. I just made new charts and calendars for him - so he can see and then feel a sense of accomplishment. He needs to feel good about himself. He doesn't need to hear that he is the messiest boy in the world! When I look back at history and consider those who have made considerable or incredible history, I almost always find that they were not 'in the norm", for their time. Musial composers, inventors, doctors, etc. - they all struggled in their childhoods, and likely - in the adult lives too. And, I just bet their mothers' worked hard at helping those children - who later contributed in ways that changed the world - by loving, encouraging and believing in their children. Don't you?

I read an amazing quote this week, from a neurosurgeon. It made my stomach hurt, my eyes burn and my heart ache.

"When I was in my early years (first through fifth grade) learning disabilities were an unknown entity. Those of us that had these problems were simply viewed as unintelligent, and from my perspective the greatest sadness was that we viewed ourselves the same way."

-- Dr. Epstein

Here is the website where I found Dr. Epstein's quote.



I haven't been to any support groups in a long time. Maybe I need some encouragement too. The mom controls the tone in the home! Oh yeah - it's a powerful position I hold!

Then I ran across this...

"Life does not have to be perfect to be wonderful." -- Annette Funicello

I like it. I like it a whole lot.