The Hubs was recently listening to a talk radio program about the relationship between migraines, mercury and dental fillings. Isn't that sweet? - He thought of me.
So, I started looking into mercury allergies associated with dental work. Wow, there's a lot out there. Not just for me, but - for Nicolas.
He has had significant dental work, fillings and has one silver crown. He was "normal" before the age of 4. I know, I know - one of the classic distinguishable symptoms of Asperger's is that is "appears" after the age of three.
Nick did get RSV shots. What exactly were those things? The article below is from just a few weeks ago!
Did this overwhelm his immune system? Or compromise something that was already compromised? He didn't get RSV, but - then again, he didn't leave the house for months at a time. I seem to remember the nurse that administered the shots assuring me that this was 100% safe and 100% necessary for preemies. I believed her. After all, I trusted her - I had just spent the last few months trusting her in the NICU. Oh... who knows. Just like everything else I seem to uncover and then I get to the point where I just throw my hands up and think... who knows?
Well, God knows. In fact, I am re-reading Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren. My mind and my heart are oftentimes not in agreement. Have you ever had that happen? What you know and believe in your heart is not what you are hearing in your head? Yeah...
Someone recently asked me if there were "signs" that I missed, perhaps, when Nicolas was younger. Honestly, I don't know. I mean, he was a preemie, born at 30 weeks, and my water had broken at 27... so he was ill the day he was born with pneumonia. He was on so many antibiotics and drugs the first few weeks of his life, I can't even remember all of it. I remember surfactant and caffeine. That's about it. It's a blurry scary dream to look back at his time in the NICU. But - I thank God for those NICU nurses, from time to time - especially is I ever meet one.
Anyway, signs... He couldn't hold his big noggin up for a long, long time. I remember having to crouch behind him and hold him up, when we'd get his pictures taken or he would fall over. He'd be smiling for the photographer and just tip over. Plop. He wasn't inside me long enough to build up any neck muscles or get cramped and need to spread out, so he had a weaker neck with a kinda big head. And because of that, he didn't walk until 22 months. But - everything else was fine. Smiling, holding his bottle, cooing, talking, etc. All fine. He was sweet and fine when we brought Liv home from the hospital too. Fine, fine, fine. We were fine.
Then, something changed. I see it in all the pictures. He just looks different. He has a different look to him. Even my mother agrees. She's been great through all my rantings and findings... just listening to all I uncover and discover. She knows Nick and... He went from sweet to (still sweet) big-eyed and explosive. We used to be able to leave him in nursery at church and now we usually stay with him in the children's church area. Same with Awana's. Same with anywhere that he goes. It does allow me to completely monitor and control his diet, which is especially important for the next month. It's already made a difference. I wouldn't have beleived it if I hadn't experienced it though. I am a "Doubting Thomas" sometimes. Other times, completely gullible.
I don't think it's wrong to hope that we can heal. Not just Nick, but - me too. I think I wound up pretty tight, because I find myself having to focus on speaking in a calm voice. Have I gotten that spastic inside (from my little "spaz" guy)? Yeah, I need to heal too. :)
This is Nick's dog, Ginger. She should be thankful (as thankful as a canine can be) I put her coat on her because it is -15, below zero right now. Yup - that's negative, as in wind chills of 30-40 below. Dang. It is beyond cold.