It makes me realize that there were many, many, many times that I questioned doctors, surgeons, dentists, etc. - as to the safety and combinations of the medications and vaccines... and that my questions - that MY OWN INSTINCTS and my "gut" should have been listened to. I consoled myself by rationalizing that I would always be a little "over-protective" of Nicolas, my little 3 lb. preemie. I guess that was my peace.
process of recovery. It's not as if one day he will be who he was... I watched him deteriorate to the point where it was pretty bad. Most of November was spent crying and sobbing in
I am thankful. I am thankful that we caught this now, before more damage was done. I am thankful that I used to be able to take my kids everywhere, even if I can't now. I did get to experience it for a few years...
I am thankful that God has plans for us - good plans, in fact.
I am thankful that God can give me peace, when I can not produce any of my own...
I am thankful that our Heavenly Father knows Nicolas. I used to pray and beg the Holy Spirit to bring him comfort when he was hooked up to many machines, that he needed to stay alive. He just looked so tiny and so uncomfortable... and I believe that The Comforter did comfort my baby.
When I think about it, I could be really whacked-out, ya know? I mean, I once had a "normal" child, and now our lives have been turned upside down and inside out... and then some. And yet, the Lord gave me this child.
I don't know why all of this happened. I don't know if Nicolas was predispositioned to react to vaccinations. I do know that after his last MMR in July of last summer - he got much, much worse. The difference in his behavior, actions and ability to concentrate and do schoolwork, between first and second grade, is incredible. Huge. And sad. But - it is what it is and I have had to learn to "unschool" or do "unschooling", at times. Not all the time, but - sometimes and throughout the day and evening and pretty much everything we do - involves my interaction and explanations to Nick. And, I am ok with it. He doesn't always pick up on things and since he is going to be a man someday, I just explain almost everything that I am able to -- to him. Oh - yes, he's smart - especially considering what it must be like to have a cloudy head at times. I am very pleased with what I have finally found that works for us and no, it's not one straight curricula for each subject. I know that this is what works for Nicolas and that he is learning. I think I will talk about the books, tools, etc. that we use to teach with, tomorrow... and just how we learn.