Monday, February 9, 2009

Choices and A Trip to the Vet

I believe that I have freewill and that I choose to be thankful. I don't always feel like being thankful, but - since when do I ever do what I feel like doing? I do not live by my feelings and I walk and live by faith. C'mon... I don't feel like getting up in the morning, and I do. I don't feel like exercising, and occasionally, I do that too! I don't feel like repeating myself ever-patiently, with Nicolas; without yelling, especially when he's being...well... when he's being Nicolas, himself... but - I do. I choose to treat others the way I would want to be treated, if the role were reversed. I don't know what it's like for Nicolas to live inside his head. He will usually tell me "my brain is going goo-goo again" when he's feeling something, whatever that is. Still, even when he's at his worst - he deserves to be treated with unconditional love. It is a choice I make daily and it's not a new concept. Not at all.

"Do to others as you would have them do to you." - Luke 6:21

I have been chatting with myself about this situation quite a bit lately. I refuse to look at bad things or situations that are "worse' than mine in order to feel better. I'd like to think I have more of an eternal perspective than that. However, I am human, vulnerable and I stumble. Still, I am thankful. And, I should have known that I would get "tested" - I just didn't think it would be today, at the vet or tonight - at the grocery store.

I gave the kids my usual "prep-talk" before we went in to the vet, and I let it go. (I have had to learn to let it go, or I will get a stomach-ache, just worrying about which child will humiliate me first. ) Although Olivia isn't like Nicolas, she has become the (sometimes bossy) overseer of Nick and will usually repeat what I tell Nick, except in her 4-year-old loud voice. She does not appreciate the way he is slow to respond, and, everyone nearby knows. She sees him as insubordinate and non-compliant, not as he is - which is slow to process or that he simply didn't hear me. If he is doing anything else, he can not hear me. Hubs would call it "tunnel-visioned" or "acutely focused". Often, even if he is looking right at me, he does not hear me - depending on what havoc is going on in his little body. As a friend of mine always says, "...these kids are just wired differently". That sums it up - yup, pretty much.

My vet... She is such a wonderful and calm woman and -- I really like her. She tolerates my kids and I could and should, hug that woman someday. She let both kids watch everything she did and also allowed them to listen to "Ginger's" heartbeat. Nick's little cairn terrier's heart beats 140 times per minute. I thought it was faster, but - for a 9.6 lb pooch, it's great.

Anyway... It's not that my super curious kids are being bad or even obnoxious, they're just loud and excited. And loud. Did I mention that they are L O U D ? It starts with the scale. They want to be weighed too. Then it's the dish of candy sitting in the lobby. NO CANDY. Next it's the replica skulls: one canine and one feline model of skulls and teeth, complete with simulated moving jaws. ( I sure hope I never have to replace one of those some day!) And, a trip to the vet wouldn't be complete with looking and (loud) commenting on all the different types of worms, fleas, parasites and predators as well as a comparison of human years and canine years. Every time. I guess it's a routine, we could say.

What does my vet (and her employees) think about Nick's behavior? I dunno. What does the cashier/checkout girl at the grocery store think about my boy - who couldn't and wouldn't keep his hands out of his mouth? And who licked his hand, after I told him to take his fingers away from his face? ((ARGH!!)) I could have lost in the store. G R O S S ! I didn't. I waited until we got into the car! (ha-ha!) Somehow, I managed to cool down before we got to the library. But, what a sight he was... good-grief, licking his hand after biting his nails and touching that conveyor belt at the checkout lane... OMG. (I'm ok... Really...Cough-cough...)

If I were to see us, without knowledge of childrens' ND's or "high functioning" autism, I could think something along the lines of,
"Whew - I sure am glad that's not my kid." Or, "Why doesn't that woman just discipline that kid?" I've seen people say it with their eyes and their expressions... I guess I could just stay at home, where it's safe... but - I don't. This too - is my choice. I choose to be thankful and not to judge other parents, as much as I possibly can.

When I see people give me "that look", a.k.a. the "bad mommy" look, I wanna tell them that he's not always like this. He's really a dog-loving, sweet and misunderstood little boy - who loves Jesus, likes to ride his bike, play with Lego's and snuggle on the couch!

Well-meaning or completely wait - naive/stupid/dense/inconsiderate people have told me that they were sure glad they didn't have a child like mine and that they didn't think they could "take it". Is that their way of saying I have a lot of patience? Forgive me - but I am thankful that they don't have a "special" child either -- especially with that kind of attitude! What was I saying?

Oh yeah... I choose to be thankful and I love my son. He's just "wired a little differently", that's all...

1 comment:

  1. I recently finished the book "Why Gender Matters: What Parents and Teachers Need to Know about the Emerging Science of Sex Differences" and found it to be an interesting read. Studies have confirmed that boys don't hear as well as girls from birth on through childhood (and maybe adulthood?). It was fun to take the masculine and feminine quizzes at the end of the book with my family.

    That is terrible the things that people say sometimes. I'm glad you choose to be thankful amidst it all.